Visiting the Sick

Bikkur cholim mitzvah (mitzvah of visiting the sick)

With the advent of privacy laws in healthcare, it is important to notify the Temple office if you know a Temple member is ill and /or hospitalized so that the rabbi and cantor can visit and contact the family involved.

Offering Prayers

Offering prayers for the sick is a mitzvah. During Shabbat evening services and by request on Shabbat morning, a prayer of healing, the Mi Shebeirach, is sung for those who are ill. If you know of someone who is ill, you may call the Temple office and speak to the assistant to the clergy (205) 933-8037 ext.230 to add his or her name.

Hospice Care

Hospice Care can be an invaluable addition to your healthcare team. Your loved one’s physician can give you referral information to any of several local agencies.

Local agencies: Gentiva: (205) 682-9441 and Affinity (205) 949-0400)

Viddui: Prayer and Forgiveness

A long-standing practice of Judaism is for the critically ill to recite a prayer called viddui, the final confession, with the understanding that death can bring closure to spiritual and emotional wrongdoing. It is an ancient tradition, and it is said by the person to God, which concludes with the recitation of the Sh’ma. This can also be done on behalf of the critically ill by a family member or by a member of the clergy if they are unable to recite it themselves.

Euthanasia, Living Will and Health Care Proxy

Judaism forbids doing anything actively to hasten or cause the death of a terminally ill individual. However, you should not hinder the departure of the soul. Therefore, life support is not mandated in situations where death is considered imminent. 

A health care proxy document designates an agent to make medical decisions on your behalf should you become unable to do so. Your family members have no legal right to make health care decisions on your behalf unless they are designated as such. It is very important to discuss your desires regarding end-of-life decisions and the use of life-sustaining measures with the people you plan to designate. You will then be certain that they know your wishes and understand their obligation to carry them out.

Those who wish to offer guidance to one’s family in such matters may complete a “living will.” A living will give directions to healthcare professionals and family members regarding your care and the measure they may or may not use to maintain your life in the event you are unable to make such decisions.

In order for healthcare professionals to follow your wishes, the document must be present, so it is important that close family and your health care proxy be aware the document exists and where it is located. Check with a lawyer to see if the signature of a witness and /or notary public is required on this document in your state of jurisdiction.

Along with legal documents outlining one’s burial preferences and medical directives, our tradition also encourages the writing of an Ethical Will. An ethical will is a written letter or document, containing one’s intellectual and spiritual legacy for future generations, sharing with them moments from our own lives and our hopes for theirs. The items bequeathed in ethical wills have eternal value: ethics, principals, hopes and dreams for those we love. They are often written as letters, with humor, honesty, and sincerity. They may be shared with loved ones either before or after death, and may be reread at sacred times, emphasizing the importance of faith and community. The custom is based on the patriarch Jacob, who bequeathed the future to his children, and on Moses, who left an ethical will to the people of Israel. Today, many parents begin their ethical wills at the birth or B’nei Mitzvah of their children, but it is never too late to start.

At Temple Emanu-El, we consider taking care of you in your grief our honor and privilege. May the Holy One guard the souls of all whom we love when they depart from us.

As soon as a death occurs, day or night, Temple Emanu-El (205) 933-8037 should be called.

If after hours or on a day the synagogue is closed, a message will direct you to the rabbi or to the cantor. Any of our clergy can officiate at a funeral. If the death occurs during the night, you may call any of our clergy early the following morning to make the necessary arrangements. The clergy will provide a spiritual guidance to the family, and will also discuss plans for the funeral service, as well as set up a time to meet with the deceased’s family to gather information for a eulogy and decide who will speak at the funeral. The designated clergy, the funeral director, and the family need to coordinate as to the date and time of the service. Please do not establish a time for the funeral until that time is first confirmed with the rabbi and /or cantor.  Once a date and time has been set, it is important to notify the temple office so a funeral notice can be sent out to inform the congregation.

Funeral Director

At the time of death, family members must take the initiative as to which funeral home is to be contacted. The funeral home will make the necessary arrangements to transport the body of the deceased, prepare death certificates, help with getting obituary notices published, contact the cemetery, etc. It may be necessary for one or more family members to meet with the funeral director at the funeral home to select a casket if one has not been pre-selected, as well as to plan all the arrangeme3nts. If death occurs overnight, please note that arrangements for funerals cannot be made until the next day, although the funeral home of your choice (and which you call directly) will pick up the deceased at any hour. John-Ridouts Funeral Home, Southside (205) 251-5254 handles many of the services for members of the Jewish community.

Funeral Service

It is the custom in Judaism to hold the burial service as soon as possible following the time of death-within two days at most unless it is not physically possible as in the case of the body having to be moved from out of state.

Funeral services are not held on the Sabbath, High Holy Days, or the first and last days of the festivals of Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot.

The funeral service may be held in our Temple sanctuary or chapel for our Temple Emanu-El family. It may also be held in the chapel of the funeral home, or at the graveside. Please note: there is no charge to temple members for using either sanctuary.

Burial is the most widely practiced method of disposition of the body and the only method affirmed by Jewish tradition. It is important in Jewish life to have a place of burial to which the family can return. Cremation is permissible in Reform Judaism but not recommended. If the deceased prefers cremation, a memorial service may take place in the sanctuary, the chapel, or the chapel of the funeral home without the cremains present. It is also recommended that cremains be be buried, for the same reason as above. Judaism also views internment in the earth as preferable to burial in a mausoleum, as the body should be returned to the earth from whence it came. 

Temple Emanu-El has burial rights in four (4) cemetery properties. If no pre-arrangements have been made, the descriptions below should offer some assistance. For further information, contact Temple Emanu-El at 205-933-8037.

Elmwood Cemetery – Block 36

600 Martin Luther King Jr. Drive
Birmingham, Alabama 35211
Phone: 205-251-3114

Directions from Temple Emanu-El to Elmwood Cemetery:

Head southeast on Highland Ave S toward 27th Place S.

Turn RIGHT at 27th Place S.

Take 1st RIGHT onto Niazuma Ave S.

Continue onto 26th Street S.

Continue onto 24th Street S.

Turn LEFT at 6th Avenue S.

Turn LEFT at Martin Luther King Jr. Drive

Go in entrance and bear RIGHT

At the T, turn LEFT following the yellow line

Pass crypts on LEFT, avoid right hand curve-off

Stay STRAIGHT until the giant brown mushroom

Turn RIGHT at mushroom

Turn LEFT at T ahead

Curve around and Block 40 is on RIGHT

Rock Garden is in a clearing toward the LEFT as you are standing facing Block 40

Each grave is purchased directly from Elmwood and includes “Perpetual Care” which is limited to cutting the grass, weed eating around monuments, filling in graves, but NO trimming of shrubs or bushes. It is the responsibility of the individual or organization to take care of shrubs and bushes. Elmwood keeps the grass of Block 36 cut and Temple Emanu-El contracts with an independent lawn service to provide additional landscaping services (periodic edging of the block’s exterior, blowing of leaves, raking, etc.) Trimming of bushes or specific care for an individual plot is not provided within the contract, but arrangements can be made for individual attention to a family plot at the family’s expense. Contact the Temple office (205-933-8037) for the lawn service contact information. 

If pre-arrangements for burial have been made at Elmwood, the funeral director or the office at Elmwood should have the information available or readily accessible at the time death occurs.

Northside Jewish Cemetery

320 11th Ct. N
Birmingham, AL 35204

Temple Emanu-El is the owner of a private cemetery in North Birmingham. If pre-arrangements for a cemetery plot have been made at Northside, the information should be on file with the Temple.

The Temple contracts with a lawn service to mow the grass, blow leaves, trim bushes, and generally maintain the landscaping except for watering the grass.

There are a limited number of plots still available for purchase. Contact the Temple office for information on purchasing burial plots at this cemetery. 

The gates are opened daily during daylight hours, but it is advisable to avoid visiting alone. 

Jasper Jewish Cemetery

Oakhill Cemetery
501 Oakhill Rd
Jasper, AL 35504-7471

The Jasper Jewish Cemetery is a portion of a larger cemetery all of which is maintained by the City of Jasper. In the year 2000, Temple Emanu-El-Jasper, Alabama transferred, by warranty deed, all land and responsibility for the Jewish portion of Oak Hill Cemetery commonly referred to as the Jasper Cemetery to Temple Emanu-El, Birmingham.

The Cemetery committee or other designated Board representative shall have responsibility to act as liaison to the City of Jasper, sell lots when required, and inspect cemetery grounds on a semi-annual basis for the purpose of evaluating appearance and maintenance.

For further information, contact the Temple office (205) 933-8037 

Gadsden Jewish Cemetery

The Gadsden Jewish Cemetery is a portion of a larger cemetery all of which is maintained by the City of Gadsden.

For further information, contact the Temple office (205) 933-8037 

PLEASE NOTE: 

All cemeteries (except Northside) provide water connections, but do not provide hoses or sprinklers. You are invited to bring your own during your visits to the cemetery, but please do not leave these items at the cemetery.

Our Cemetery Care Fund (formerly known as the Perpetual Care Fund), within the Grafman Endowment Fund, was established with the primary purpose of providing perpetual care for Northside Cemetery grounds, which is owned by Temple Emanu-El. Over time, the scope of this fund has been expanded to also care for Block 36 at Elmwood Cemetery. Annual contributions are encouraged to this fund to support the enhanced perpetual care provided to the cemeteries.

In addition to annual contributions mentioned above, there are several other ways to contribute to the perpetual care of our cemeteries, including: 

1. Purchase of a Yahrzeit Plaque in memory of a loved one
2. Contributions to include names of loved ones in the Yom Kippur Memorial Book

There is also a separate Gadsden Cemetery Care Fund and Jasper Cemetery Upkeep Fund, for those members with loved ones laid to rest in those cemeteries.

If you have any questions about making a gift to help build the Cemetery Care Fund so that we can adequately provide for these services, please contract the Grafman Endowment Fund office at (205) 933-8037 ext. 234.

Autopsy

Routine autopsies are discouraged and should only be used if required by law or if there is direct knowledge to be gained to benefit the survivors.

Organ Donations

The donation of organs is permitted and encouraged. This desire may be documented in the following ways:

1. Sign Up at the Alabama Organ Donor Registry-To confirm your intention to be an organ donor, begin by registering with the state organ donor database at the Alabama Organ Center http://alabamaorgancenter.org/. It takes just a few minutes to register online, or you can download a registration form to submit through the mail. After your death, medical personnel will search the state donor registry and easily locate your wish to be a donor.
2. Use your Alabama Driver’s license to Show You Are an Organ Donor– When ou get a new driver’s license in Alabama, you will be asked whether you would like to be an organ donor. If you say yes, the title “organ donor” will appear on your license, along with a red heart. Your MVD record will also reflect your choice.
3. Include Organ Donation in Your Advance Directive for Health Care– It is a good idea to include your desire to donate in your important estate planning documents, especially your advance directive for health care. (It is not always helpful to include your organ donation wishes in your will, because it may not be found and read until it is too late to donate.) For additional information about making an advanced directive for health care, see Alabama Living Wills and Advanced Directives for Health Care: What You Need to Know.
4. Tell Others That You Are an Organ Donor– If you have documented your wishes to be an organ and tissue donor, your wishes must be honored whether others agree with your choice. (Alabama Code 22-19-167.) Nevertheless, to avoid confusion or delays, it is important to tell others that you feel strongly about donating your organs. Consider discussing the matter with your family, healthcare providers, clergy, and close friends. If you do not document your intention to be an organ donor, these conversations are critical because your next of kin will make the decision about whether to donate your organs.

Selecting a Coffin

In Judaism, all aspects of funeral arrangement, including the selection of a casket, are governed by the principles of simplicity. Judaism teaches equality in death. Poor or wealthy, well-known, or unknown, all are equal in death the funeral service, the coffin, and the manner of burial reflect that equality. A wooden coffin, with wooden pegs, whether plain or with a Star of David on it, is in keeping with traditional Jewish practice. The type of wood makes no difference, but ostentatious caskets or lined interiors are to be avoided.

Burial Vaults or Liners

While neither burial vaults nor liners are prescribed in Jewish tradition, they are acceptable where required by civil law or cemetery rules. Elmwood does require a vault for all burials. It can be the unlined concrete vault or the dome. The Northside Cemetery cannot accommodate a vault for any burial.

Embalming

Judaism actively discourages embalming since the body must return to the dust from which it came. Embalming is acceptable where civil law or circumstances require it.

Chevra Kadisha

Chevra Kadisha is the custom of having the body “watched” throughout the night and until burial by a Jewish person reciting Psalms. the tradition of tahara, of washing the and preparing the body for burial also carried out by the Chevra kadisha. It is not generally practiced by Reform Jews, but it is available for those who wish to participate through the funeral home in consultation with Temple Beth-El for an extra fee, which covers the cost of the traditional burial shroud explained below.

Tachrichim: Clothing for the Deceased

Jews are traditionally buried in white linen burial shrouds. Reform Jews may choose a shroud or may choose ordinary clothing, which must be chosen and brought to the funeral home for dressing of the deceased. It is also in keeping with tradition to be buried with your tallit.

Casket Bearers

If the family wishes or the funeral home asks that persons act as casket bearers, they should be selected from close friends and family of the deceased. The funeral home will tell you how many are needed. Honorary casket bearers may also be asked.

“Viewing” the Body

Judaism discourages any public viewing o the body of the deceased, except where required by civil law directly before the funeral ceremony or burial. It is not in keeping with the dignity and principles of Jewish observance. If a family chooses to view the deceased, they may do so by arranging it with the funeral home. Temple Emanu-El does not permit open caskets for its funeral services.

Pre-Funeral “Visitations”

The custom has no foundation in Jewish law or tradition It is often an onerous and difficult experience to set aside time during the many preparations required for a funeral to visit with people for pre-funeral visitations. Therefore, we discourage this practice.

Tzedakah

In lieu of flowers, Jewish tradition encourages tzedakah, money donated to a righteous cause, including the Temple, which honors the deceased and brings blessings to the living. The family of the deceased may suggest possible donation recipient causes that should be written in both the obituary and well as the funeral announcement from the Temple. Flowers are not customary at Jewish funerals. It has no historic basis in Jewish observance and is not rooted in the Jewish approach to death and bereavement.

K’riah

K’riah is the long-standing Jewish tradition of rending of one’s garment or the ritual tearing of a black ribbon placed on your clothing by the clergy right before burial. It is worn by mourners. Mourners are defined as parent, sibling, spouse, or child of the deceased. It is worn for the seven-day period called shiva, meaning seven. It is not worn on Shabbat, but Shabbat is counted as one of the seven days.

Service and Eulogy

A Jewish funeral service consists of the reading of Psalms a eulogy, the El Malei Rachamim, the prayer for the soul, and the Kaddish, recited at the graveside if the funeral is held elsewhere.

Lowering and Laying Earth on the Casket

Traditionally at the graveside, the casket is lowered, and earth is laid onto the casket. This act provides closure to the family and is one of the most potent ru=rituals during a funeral. Our custom is for the clergy to lay earth, using the back of a shovel, as we recognize that we are using an ordinary implement of work to do an extraordinary thing, and to show that although we recognize its importance, we are performing this mitzvah reluctantly. When the ceremony ends, family and then friends who wish to perform this mitzvah may do so. We encourage, but do not require, mourners to perform this final physical act of love and honor.

Children at Funerals

It is both proper and beneficial for children to attend a funeral and burial. Children need an opportunity to express sadness and grief at the loss of a loved one. Attempting to shield children can bring on feelings of fear and allowing them to attend helps them to accept the inevitability of death and can help them work through some of those feelings of loss while participating in Jewish ritual in the company of family members and friends.

Who is a Mourner?

The traditional laws of mourning apply in the case of the death of any of the following relatives: parent, sibling, spouse, and child. The mourners should be relieved of all normal daily responsibilities during the period between death and burial, except those which have to do with preparation for the burial service. Following burial, there are certain observances one follows that are described below.

Shiva

The period of mourning following the burial of the deceased is known as shiva, meaning seven, because it is observed traditionally for seven days. The day of burial is counted as the first day. Reform Judaism encourages the observance for at least three days. While one does not mourn on Shabbat, it is calculated in the seven days. It also ends prior to its completion at the onset of major holidays and festivals, such as Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot.

During shiva, mourners refrain from work and remain at home. It provides the mourner the opportunity to work through grief, to be comforted and to interact with loved ones and friends. It is customary for friends and relatives of the deceased to gather in the house of mourning to spend time together and to participate in services. Prayer books for these services are available at the Temple if desired, and arrangements may be made with the clergy for the conducting of these services. Any Jewish person, man, or woman, over the age of thirteen can serve as part of the minyan, and all present in the house of mourning should participate in the service. Traditionally, food is provided to the house of mourning by friends for both shiva and for the family of mourners to have a meal, to eliminate the family’s concern with meal preparation during this period.

Before Entering the Shiva Home

Some people choose to follow a custom of providing a pitcher of water at the front door to wash one’s hands when returning from the cemetery. No blessing is said. There are several explanations as to why this is done. One is that the act of hand washing is an act of affirming life over death as water is a symbol of life and sustenance. Another is the symbolic act of “washing off the presence of death” before entering the home, as one has just been at the cemetery and does not want to bring death into the home.

Shiva Candle

A seven-day memorial candle, supplied by the funeral home, is kindled upon returning from the cemetery. Any mourner in the immediate family may request such a light for his own home as well.

Shabbat Observance

The Kaddish is a prayer of praise to God and an affirmation of the value of life. It is written in Aramaic. On Shabbat or other holidays, mourners should join the congregation at the Temple in prayer. The name of the deceased will be read on the Shabbat after the burial and throughout the next month for the Kaddish prayer. In future years, the name will be read on the Shabbat corresponding to the anniversary of the death.

The Cemetery Committee

The Cemetery committee shall be a standing committee of the Board. The committee shall oversee the maintenance of the congregation’s cemeteries and establish policies and procedures regarding the administration of the cemeteries, including fees, subject to the approval of the board. The cemetery committee may appoint a representative to act on its behalf for the day-to-day operations of the cemetery.

• Northside Cemetery

Temple Emanu-El is the owner of the cemetery known as the Enon Ridge Cemetery, commonly referred to as the Northside Cemetery (hereinafter Northside Cemetery). Members of the Congregation may be buried in this cemetery subject to availability of space and to the rules and regulations adopted by the Board.

Applications for burial in the cemetery shall be made to the representative designated by the Board, who shall require security for the prompt payment of such assessments as may be made by the Board for such burial.

Permits for burial shall be approved by the representative designated by the Board. No grave shall be opened prior to said approval.

• Owner of Cemetery Lots-Northside Cemetery

Members desiring to purchase lots in said cemetery shall make written applications to the chairperson of the Cemetery Committee.

Each purchaser of a lot in said cemetery upon the production of a receipt in full for the price of said lot from the Board of Directors shall receive a deed thereto executed by the representative designated by the Board under the sale of the Congregation. The deed shall first be recorded on the books of the Congregation. Such deed shall specify that the title to said lots is conveyed subject to, and limited by, such rules and regulations then in force or which may thereafter be adopted by the congregation or the Board in accordance with the law.

A lot owned by a member shall be for the free burial of that member, members spouse, children or any other relative of that member being fully financially supported by said member at time of death. The price of lots to members shall be fixed by the Cemetery committee.

Lots may be sold, conveyed, or donated by members of the Congregation to other members of the Congregation or to the congregation itself by and with thee consent of the Board.

Whenever a headstone is used by the holder of an adjacent lot, the holder shall be required to pay a fair share and equitable price for same to the owner of such headstone. In the event of a disagreement as to such price, the Cemetery committee shall have the power to arbitrate and adjust same, and its action shall be binding.

No tree or shrubbery shall be planted on or removed from any of the lots without the consent of the Cemetery Committee.

The grade as established in the original chart is to be maintained and carried out in all arrangements pertaining to lots under the direction of the Cemetery committee.

The Board shall have power to make all by-laws rules and regulations for the government of said cemetery not inconsistent with the provisions hereof subject to revision by the Congregation. The Board shall have the power to do such other things as necessary to carry out the objects and purpose thereof; shall collect and expend all moneys arising from the sale of lots or otherwise; shall have complete control of the cemetery grounds and other property thereon; and, shall have power to enclose improve and adorn cemetery grounds and to prescribe rules for enclosing and erecting monuments or vaults and shall have power to prohibit any use, division or adornment of a lot which it may deem improper, and may abate and alter same.

• Elmwood Cemetery

All lots in Block A & B located in Elmwood cemetery allocated to the Congregation shall be administered according to the rules and regulations of Elmwood Cemetery.

Members of the Congregations may be buried in this cemetery subject, to availability of space and to the rules and regulations adopted by the Board.

Only Jewish images, symbols, monuments, quotations, or language shall be permitted on any plot in said cemetery. Any deviation from the established policies shall be submitted in writing to the senior rabbi for consideration. The request shall either be approved or disapproved in writing by the senior rabbi.

Bodies shall not be removed from the cemetery without the consent of the senior rabbi and a representative designated by the Board.

Permits for burial shall be approved by a Board designated representative. No grave shall be opened prior to said approval.

A lot allocated to a member shall be for burial of that member, member’s spouse, children or any other relative of the member being fully financially supported by said member at the time of death. No others shall be buried in that lot according to the rules promulgated by Elmwood cemetery.

Lots may be sold conveyed or donated by members of the Congregation to members or to the Congregation itself according to the rules promulgated by Elmwood cemetery.

No tree or shrubbery shall be planted on or removed from any of the lots without the consent of the Cemetery Committee.

Subject to all applicable rules and regulations of Elmwood Cemetery the Board shall have power to make all by-laws, rules and regulations for the government of said cemetery; shall have complete control of the cemetery grounds and other property thereon; and, shall have power to enclose improve and adorn cemetery grounds and to prescribe rules for enclosing and erecting monuments or vaults and shall have power to prohibit any use, division or adornment of a lot which they may deem improper, and may abate and alter same.

• Jasper Cemetery

In the year 2000, Temple Emanu-El-Jasper, Alabama, transferred, by warranty deed, all land and responsibility for the Jewish portion of Oak Hill Cemetery commonly referred to as the Jasper Cemetery to the Congregation. The Cemetery committee and the designated Board representative shall have responsibility to act as liaison to the City of Jasper, sell lots when required and inspect cemetery grounds on a semi-annual basis for the purpose of evaluating appearance and maintenance.

The grade as established in the original chart is to be maintained and carried out in all arrangements pertaining to lots under the direction of the Cemetery committee.

Said responsibilities do not include the costs of maintenance of said cemetery ground which are the responsibility of the City of Jasper.

The Cemetery committee will make reasonable efforts to require the City of Jasper to continue to maintain Oak Hill Cemetery on par with the remainder of the Cemetery grounds.

Rules governing the use of Jasper cemetery are outlined in the document ‘Temple Emanu-El Cemetery Regulations’, Jasper, Alabama, dated November 20, 1990 and appended hereto.

• Cemetery Care Fund

The Cemetery Care Fund shall be under the care and custody of the Rabbi Grafman Endowment Fund.

All fees from the sale of said lots shall be deposited in the Cemetery Care Fund.

The Cemetery Care Fund shall be used exclusively for the upkeep and maintenance of Northside, Elmwood and Jasper cemeteries.

Maintenance of said cemeteries shall be determined, upon recommendation of the Cemetery committee, by the Board of Directors, and reviewed annually.

Passed Board March 2010

May God’s great Name grow exalted and
sanctified in the world that God created by
will. May God give reign to Divine
sovereignty in our lifetimes and in our days,
and in the lifetimes of the entire family of
Israel, swiftly and soon. And we say: Amen.
May the Lord’s great Name be blessed
forever and ever.

Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,
mighty, upraised and lauded be the Name of
the Holy One, blessed is God.

God is exalted beyond any blessing and song,
praise and consolation that are uttered in the
world. And we say: Amen.

Let an abundant peace and eternal life rain
upon us and upon all Israel. And we say:
Amen.

May God make peace in the heavens, and
make peace upon us, and upon all Israel. And
we say: Amen.